if this is the end

if this is the end

Author: Bebe Oliver

Publisher: Magabala Books

Published: November 2024

A fearless and heartfelt exploration of queer First Nations identity, if this is the end by Bebe Oliver is a vibrant celebration of self-love, growth, and embracing imperfection. In this deeply personal narrative, the author reflects on his journey of returning to his hometown during the post-pandemic recovery period, confronting the weight of childhood trauma, mental health struggles, and questions of identity with unflinching honesty.

Through the unique lens of a Kimberley man, the author crafts a poignant love letter to Narrm, intertwining the exhilaration of relationship dynamics and the tenderness of queer romance with the challenges of healing. This balance of vulnerability and resilience shines throughout the collection, capturing the raw emotional complexities of personal and cultural reconciliation.

The collection opens with a poem titled “Country”, a profound reflection on the shifting nature of home:

home is not the town i grew in
streets which cradled my rising

but the people i found
softness planted
gifts they nurtured
. . .
if i go back
no longer gone from dusty earth

all my eyes will see
is dull imagining
what is no longer there

This poem redefines the concept of home, not as a physical place but as the relationships and care that shape one’s sense of belonging. The speaker’s tender imagery, such as ‘softness planted’ and ‘gifts they nurtured,’ contrasts the warmth of human connection with the emptiness of revisiting a place now devoid of its former meaning. With a wistful tone, it emphasises the impermanence of places compared to the enduring impact of relationships and memory.

Similarly, “Ngamagun” is a reflective and celebratory exploration of identity, cultural heritage, and connection to the land:

maybe my eyes are
two planets with kimberley deserts
anchored in dust-stained rain

then what i see is
landscapes of ancestors
colours of history
strange memories
wonderful blak imperfection

In this poem, the speaker connects personal identity to both the cosmos and the land, linking the vastness of the universe with the deep, ancestral ties of the Kimberley region. Through vivid imagery like ‘dust-stained rain’ and ‘colours of history’, the poem encapsulates the beauty of cultural memory and the reclamation of ‘blak imperfection’ as something extraordinary.

Oliver’s work masterfully embraces complexity, weaving together deeply personal reflections and broader cultural narratives. The collection’s free verse form enhances its authenticity, allowing emotions and ideas to flow naturally, unbounded by traditional structures.

An unforgettable tribute to resilience, imperfection, and the beauty of embracing one’s whole self.

Reviewed by Jess Checkland