Ashlee Donohue’s Because I Love Him offers a deeply personal and compelling account of love, loss, motherhood, addiction, and domestic violence. As a proud Dunghutti woman from Kempsey, New South Wales, Donohue sheds a confronting light on a series of profound struggles as she navigates life on the margins from childhood to middle-age. In doing this, she pulls back the curtain to reveal the beauty of belonging and, conversely, the unspoken expectations of urban Aboriginal communities in Australia.
At the heart of the story is Donohue’s determination to provide her children with the presence of their father: a gift of which she herself was deprived. However, this desire is muddied with domestic violence, womanising and addiction – his to drugs, and hers to him – creating a brutal and heart-wrenching narrative. Donohue does not shy away from sharing many raw moments of her life, from the trauma of abuse to acts of violence and the power of addiction. A third-act twist is shocking and difficult to comprehend. Yet, what stands out most in this memoir is Donohue’s resilience. The story is not just one of suffering, but of survival, transformation, wisdom, and ultimately, empowerment.
Donohue’s writing style is concise and effective, laced with compassion and sensitivity which makes the reader feel the weight of each experience while also offering a lens of hope. Donohue chronicles not only her personal battles but also their consequences on her family and community, giving readers a broader perspective of the systemic challenges faced by Aboriginal women in similar circumstances. She admits her mistakes and as such, provides a privileged insight into the nuanced context of these decisions and outcomes. This brings us to the title of the book. When a judge poses a question to Donohue that undoubtedly resonates in the minds of many readers, ‘Why are you with this man?’, she responds, quietly, with honesty. In that moment, as the judge shakes his head in disbelief, I felt a surge of emotion, the hairs on my arms standing on end.
Ashlee Donohue is an extraordinary human being, and this memoir, Because I Love Him, is both riveting and courageous. Domestic violence is often misunderstood and remains largely shrouded in silence but with this powerful personal narrative, Donohue is dismantling the stigma of shame and opening a dialogue. For this, she deserves the utmost respect, and for all Australian women, this book should take a place on your 2024 must-read list.